vineri, 18 februarie 2011

the alley by the lake

I walk by the lake, dragging my feet on the alley, scattering dry leaves. The view is purely wonderful, and I feel so lucky to see it every day. Mornings have something special! When I alone in the morning mist, I can hear my thoughts and I begin conversations with my faraway friends, as if they could hear me.

For some unknown reason, today I was thinking of the day I first walked on this road. It was winter, and everything wad frozen. Same alley, same lake, same trees, but the view meant nothing to me - just a nice image. Though, I felt like there was a new way for me. It was a time I thought I should be happy with my life, that I needn't more. Deep in my soul I knew I wasn't right, but I lied to myself because that was the only way to face reality.

How would you feel when years of studying chemistry, as a very young engineer, your diploma worth nothing? And after months of looking for a job you get one that has nothing to do with what you prepared for? Yet, you're lucky to have a job helping you to survive, to start your life from some point. Then, day by day, you give up expectations, and life turns its back on you, letting you get drown into monotony and routine. I felt like I wasn't alive anymore; a simple spectator to my own boring existence. The curtain was always down, keeping away from me the real show of who I am and how much I worth. Just as I passed each day by the lake, unable to feel its beauty, just looking with empty eyes tot same alley, same trees, same lake.

Luckily, something happened to disturb all this routine, storming my thoughts, shaking me up. From that moment on, nothing was as before. Suddenly, I came back to life, and - as I woke up from my long sleep - the view I looked at each day turned to life, too. Good-morning sun! Good- morning, trees! Good-morning, squirrels! Good-morning, beautiful lake! My heart was so full that I was afraid it'll burst!

And for that to happen, I needed to meet some people, some very special people. Knowing them led to knowing myself better. They helped me discover myself as I really was and as I never thought I'd be. How? It's maybe because they come from another world, one we never knew before year '89... They came, they made me reconsider my existence, and then they went back to their lives, into their worlds. It's no wonder then that I miss them so much. I knew maybe life planned to only meet once or twice, as I knew I'll miss them forever and carry them in mind for the rest of my life. Because of them, I was able to open myself and see the beauty and the ugly around me.

Then spring came, and I walked by the lake dreaming, just as every girl is dreaming, but with a bitter shade of melancholy, longing for something she will never have and for someone she will never meet again. Regrets owned me for a while, and routine and monotony lie and wait for me patiently. But I was determined to struggle against them with all my forces, and hoped that destiny will help me again. And I was right to put my faith in it.

It was the end of summer when my feet headed towards the same alley by the lake, and I was already a different person. Life just showed me the world across the ocean. And it was so different from our world, from what I thought it would be. I felt small as an ant, though more confident in myself. It was the same lake I passed by, but it looked so beautiful having all that enthusiasm and hope within my soul!

I'm walking today on the same alley... Who knows what future holds in store for me? I'm smiling happy to find myself thinking of the future. I am able to dream about it, and paper calls me eager to share this experience together.

I'll never stop dreaming as I walk on this alley, and I'll never stop hoping they will come true someday.

In these colors of the autumn, the lake has such a beauty! As I walk, my steps are scattering dry leaves; they are like tears the trees have cried since my faraway friends left back to their world. Sometimes I can hear my thoughts in the morning mist, and sometimes I think of conversations with my friends, trusting that somehow they feel I'm thinking of them and so they'll know how much I miss them.

These are the moments I enjoy the most each day.

2 comentarii:

  1. Ma bucur ca ti-ai gasit cararea. Sunt multi altii in aceeasi situatie, printre care si eu, cu diploma de inginer si predau la PPK and K. Good luck!

  2. Multumesc, Lumi! Carari pierdute si regasite avem cu totii in viata.
    Pentru un tanar absolvent este cel mai greu sa invete ca poate sa aleaga o alta cale, atunci cand el e pregatit pentru un anumit drum...