marți, 11 ianuarie 2011

there's happiness even in pain

It is the pain I feel when I think of you and the wonderful moments we spent together. They seem already faraway, but I always smile when I remember them, and my heart aches. The ache of loosing a friend in the dust of time or leaving a place I love and to which I know I 'll never be back.

The pain I feel now is of loosing you, my dear friend. I can fight with many differences that keep us apart, but I can't fight with the lack of communication between us. I don't want you to end up in a dream. I don't want the reality of our friendship fade away, as I don't want your face fade away. Would you resist that? I know I should have kept back feelings from the very beginning, but I just didn't. No use to ask why. No need to look for an answer. I had no expectations; I knew we'd have so little.

You weren't supposed to come into my life and yet I'm so happy to have in my thoughts, as painful as this is.

luni, 10 ianuarie 2011

the idea of you, my friend

"I know where I'm going,
Don't you want to come, too?"

That's how I will describe the dream I had. You, my friend, were here beside me, and even though I was your guide, you decided what places we'll go to.

I have lighted a candle on my table. Its warm, delicate sparkles bring around a romantic light, much too romantic for the times we live. I feel the same even when the candle's only in my mind, because what matters is the idea of it, and the desire it brings of writing you letters. That's how I have you always beside me, my friend. I have you with me when I take long walks. When things go wrong, your image keeps my spirit high, and I feel as if I can bear the whole world on my shoulders. You are so faraway but your memory, my friend, keeps me going on. You will always be with me, as this candle, real or not, will always help me writing you letters, letters you might never read. It will never be too late to read them, as things have happened already too late for us. We have defied destiny building a friendship that couldn't last. But we were stubborn, and here we are, marked by each other's existence with traces that can't ever be erased. Meeting you has changed my life deeply. Remember what I told you my grandma would say about such experiences? They "enrich the treasure in our soul". It is indeed this way.